Just when I thought it was over

I got a phone call from a company that I applied to well over a year ago. They are a big renewable energy company that has come to Colorado. They are filling thousands of jobs here, on an order of magnitude larger than they originally anticipated. Everyone I know that was interested in a new job has applied to them, and none of us have heard a word.

They called me for an interview last week. I didn't think it could hurt to go, and didn't think my odds were that great. As usual, they made a stink about my job history, as everyone has a right to do. If I hadn't been laid off, I wouldn't be in that position again right now.

Anyhow, I got the call last night. And can I say - "they liked me, they REALLY liked me!"

I'm expecting an offer. This is going to get difficult. We'll see what happens. I really like the idea of being on the right side of the energy equation - of being part of the solution and not part of the problem. Wish me luck.

Since I'm no longer unemployed...

At least for the time being, I'm going to put a pause on this blog.

I am, however, going to start a new blog to discuss something else going on in my life. I'm happy to share it with friends and family, but this blog is going to be private, because, well, I want to keep it between friends.

If you are interested in checking out my new blog, send me an email and I will send you the link. It will be a pain in the butt because you'll have to log in and stuff, but I may be posting pictures on this site that I don't want just anyone to see. NO, nothing explicit - sheesh, aren't pictures of de-feathered chickens enough for you people?

In the land of limited privacy, where the world can run off with your data and your images, this is a blog I want to protect.

Send me an email, I'll give you the link, and we can see what new adventures lie ahead for the now employed professional...

Final Closure

OK, just to end the soap opera for everyone... Things had been up in the air, but sometimes things just work themselves out. Company number 2 has now twice delayed my meeting with them. I've been working for a full 3 weeks now. BY putting me on hold, they made my decision for me.

My job may not be the best for my skills, but the people at my company are really wonderful. And sometimes that makes all the difference. Plus, those friday afternoons off are pretty cool.

SO I am staying where I am. I am no longer unemployed. I am enjoying using my problem solving skills again - and for more things than "how can I feed seven dogs without losing a finger?" It's nice to interact with people all day - instead of turkeys and sheep (though I like my turkeys and sheep!)

It's good to be earning a paycheck, too...

It's not over yet

I started this week. And I am having trepidations.

The 11th hour company is still pursuing. I'm meeting them again on Friday.

And tonight I am calling an old friend, and former career coach - she's a woman with a lot of experience, and incredible amount of poise and honesty, and I need her help!

I may have to pull a really crappy move, but in the long wrong, I gotta take care of me and my family.

I must decide today

It's almost 6 AM. I have until noon today to possibly renege on the offer I accepted at one company. Or not. If I turn them down, my other offer is still contingent on background checks, drug screen, and an ergonomic physical evaluation. Not that I think any of those things would screw me, but it's still a risk. And I put off getting paid another week or 2.

The jobs are different - manufacturing vs. quality. The companies are different -plastic medical devices vs. metal flow measuring equipment. The locations are different - Boulder vs. Fort Collins. The people are different - but almost everyone seemed nice. One company has a small company feel with a larger corporate ownership that seemed to stay out of the way. The other company is a formerly family owned company that is currently owned by a private equity firm and is on the block to be sold.

I like them both. The jobs are very different. The people are different. One of them has a 4.5 day work week, and man, for a chick who lives on a farm, that might just be the coup de grace.

The 11th Hour

I accepted a position. I've already told you that. I start on Monday.

But there is this other company that is playing hardball and they want to hire me. I guess that puts me in the power seat. It also may put me in the asshole seat. If they give me an offer I can't refuse, I have to go back to a company I said yes to, and bail on them. However, no paperwork has been signed. There isn't even an offer letter on the table, just a phone call. Which was weird.

So that is where I am. One more round of negotiations. We'll see where it takes me.

I accepted

I go back to work in 2 weeks. Weird.

That'll put me at about 2 months of being unemployed. I need to buy new pants.

IN 2 months, we have revamped the budget in our house, re-organized our priorities, put a project list together, and learned a lot about what it's like for one person to be home and the other "working".

In 2 months, I've worked my tail off at times, I've gotten some extra sleep at other times, I've gotten some things done, and put off others.

Now I have 2 weeks - I have a website re-do to complete, and some other SWE tasks to finish. Then we get back to life the way it was, but it'll never feel the same to me. I am already looking forward to "retirement" although I have been looking forward to that for a long time!

Offer #2 on the table

Got another offer. A job that is more suited to my skills than the first offer. In an industry associated with energy, so it's more stable than my last job. Equivalent salary to my last job, half days every friday, a volleyball league within the company. Also closer to home than the first offer. The first offer was also contract - which could be good or bad.

Contract would have given me an easy out if AVA Solar ever decides I am worth their while. But instead, I am going to sit down, shut up, and be happy with a job, work my tail off.

And the first order of business - I'm buying a new fridge. And I'm getting a stainless steel one. THEN we start working on running water and electric out to the pasture, and building our greenhouse. Thanks to the lay off, we were finally able to talk about finances, put together a budget and a plan for getting the BIG things we always wanted.

I see the finish line

A drug screen tomorrow, which is good. One more interview tomorrow, too. I hope that's the finish line I see, because interviewing is EXHAUSTING!! I shouldn't complain, I could have nothing, and I can't imagine what state I would be in if I hadn't any invitations to interview. I'd probably be in a very depressed state - there is something nice about being interesting. Anyhow, I think today's interview was a complete flop, though I did like the company. What they asked about in the interview that was NOT part of the job description - finite element analysis and computational fluid dynamics. Yeah, not since undergrad. They won't offer me a job, which is too bad, the company seemed really cool (and the closest to home so far!)

Oh well, I have an offer on the table, a drug screen tomorrow, which I can't screw up. Hopefully offer number 2, which is cool too. This means I have to start getting up early in the morning again!

Offer on the table

So, I was completely caught off guard today by an offer. It's contract, which seems kind of cool. But I wasn't expecting it today. And I wasn't expecting that they'd want an answer so quickly. I mean, I know that I am unemployed, but that doesn't mean I am desperate. It doesn't mean I don't have the right to think before I leap, and choose the right job, instead of any job.

But it's on the table. I have 2 more interviews this week, and I think I owe myself the option to see if they go anywhere, and anywhere better than this offer. Which is outside of my industry.

So I don't know, I really don't. All I know is I don't like being pressured. Last time I was pressured into a job, I ended up regretting it.

Lost count

A full day of interviews tomorrow. Which is nice. And I only dirty one set of nice interview clothes for 2 companies. It does take the entire day, which is sort of like working. And sort of keeping my busy for a day. At least I'll be fully air conditioned all day. but I won't get anything done at home, and this place is a MESS!

Anyhow, it's all positive stuff at this point. I can almost smell the new hardwood floors.

Vacation during my hiatus

I'm taking a trip, which is cool. I don't have to use up any vacation days to do it. hee hee.

I am hoping that next week might have some good news on the horizon. I have another phone interview tomorrow. I have a face to face lined up for next week.

And hallelujah, I have a recruiter with an inside lead at AVA Solar. I'll do anything to get to work there.

With all these interviews, the odds are with me that one of these fish is going to bite. I'll be back at work. Ah! Air conditioning again! Which puts the pressure on me to finish some projects at home while I have the time. Which is good. I get a lot more done when I am in a time crunch.

Like right now, trying to get the house prepped for my departure - filling up food bins, cleaning, labelling, etc. Then some free time for me...

I lost count

This blog may be very short lived, which is fine by me.

I have a company going through the motions right now - applications, background checks, drug screen. Usually they don't take the time to do this unless they are serious. But it isn't a sure thing. I've gone through this before just to be turned down. And I know it isn't the drug screen that gets me turned down. So I am trying not to think this is a sure thing.

In that case, I have a phone interview lined up for monday, as well as a face-to-face I am trying to get scheduled. I'll keep interviewing until someone bites. When it rains it pours, and I have to admit, this is all happening a lot faster than I expected. Which is fine, I have dreams of hardwood floors and a new greenhouse in my mind. This time it will happen.

In the meantime, I have a lot of things to get done while I am still on "Summer Vacation"
I have to finish painting the hallway, getting my garden covered in straw, hanging bird scares in the orchard, finishing a web site for SWE, and getting this house cleaned up some. I may only have a few weeks to get it all done now, but everyone knows, you get more done under pressure than when you have all the time in the world!

Day 29 or something

When it rains, it pours. I have interviews, phone screens or phone interviews lined up with 3 more companies between today and early next week. That's a good thing, it means the odds are playing with me right now.

I have high hopes for one of the jobs -I got a call back from them last night, but no message, and no return yet this morning. I'm thinking it's bad news if it is this soon... It's OK, we'll see what happens.

In the meantime, I have some other things on my mind right now that are very distracting. But I will continue to apply apply apply... it can't hurt, or can it?

Day 27 - 4 weeks

So, essentially, it's been a month. I am fearing my summer vacation is coming to a close. I could be wrong, I could be right.

I had an interview yesterday, and they called me today to schedule me a second interview this afternoon. As I said, I saw my competition leaving the same time I did. I get to meet some more higher-ups and the hiring manager today. I need to print out some more resumes and polish up my list of fancy questions. This could be it... I could be smelling new hardwood floors before you know it!

I also have an interview lined up for Monday afternoon, but the company is pretty far away, and I might not want to drive that far. Of course, I had a call for a contract position in Chicago. He saw my area code and thought I was still in Detroit. Nope. Chicago is a bit too far to commute.

Anyhow, this could be the light at the end of the tunnel, or at least the beginning of some new projects at home.

Day 26

Again, it's the ups and downs.

I had a good interview today. Saw my "competition" as I was leaving - he left the same time I did, which means I spent twice as much time there. I got handed off to the boss's boss, and he got shown the door. Another one bites the dust. I think it all went well and I have my fingers crossed. BUt my resume looks like shit. I've bounced around too much, and just when I find the job I want to retire with, I get laid off. Now it looks even worse.

Add on top of that the amount of stress I am under. I am going bald. And that's not a joke. My friend was pulling hairs off my sweater yesterday, because I was shedding. This morning, in the shower, I pulled out enough hair just from shampooing that usually gets caught in the drain in an entire week. I better get a job before I look like Sinead. Not that it was a bad look for her, but I have a bumpy head.

I felt good about having an interview, but it always feels bad to leave when they keep asking you why you bounced so much. ON top of the fact that they recognized my name from having applied there in the past. ouch.

Day 25

I have an interview tomorrow, and I am looking forward to it. Definitely.

I just found out today (because I didn't get yesterday's mail until today) that I won't be getting much unemployment. Seems I wasn't at my previous company long enough to get much from them (less than $1000 total) and since I left the company before - I don't get anything from them. So the $11,000 ma I was alloted got knocked down below $1000.

That changed plans drastically. Had to redo our budget all together and things are tighter than ever. This is going to stink.

So cross your fingers for me for the interview next week. Please.

Day 23.5

I may not get a chance to post tomorrow. It's going to be a busy day! I am going to our first Farmer's Market in town. We only have a few chickens left to sell (aside from the ones we will process in August! Then we will have 50 more!) And once we put together the 300 eggs we deliver weekly to our restaurant customer, I still had another 13 dozen left over! So I'll be taking those to the market tomorrow too. Since Husband is out of town this weekend, it's all on me - gotta feed the chickens and turkeys in the morning, let the pups out and head to the market and spend most of the day there. It's going to be a GREAT time!!

BUT I wanted to post about something else! I got a call earlier today, someone has me lined up for an interview 11AM on Monday. This job is closer to home than the last two I have spoken to recruiters about. The job sounds fun, the company is part of a large conglomerate (I have been around many of their subsidiaries throughout my career). In other words - large, stable company. That is a good thing.

It's interesting how I can start feeling so imbittered by this whole ordeal - and then get a call for an interview (I only sent in my app on Wednesday!) and I feel totally different. Already planning in my head the fun house projects I get to spend the money on... (hardwood floors, new kitchen, solar hot water heater...shall I go on?)

Day 23

I had a meeting with a recruiter today, for a job in Louisville. It's a contract job until the end of the year, that could get extended for a full year. I have never worked contract before, but it could actually be pretty cool. I should hear early next week if they are interested in talking to me.

No offense to any recruiters out there, but that can be a hard route for me to go. Often, recruiters are NOT engineers, nor do they have any engineering experience, they can't often really comprehend the jobs from the employers, nor can they translate an engineer's background to fit with a job description. It sometimes leads to dead ends, but any route is worthwhile. A dead end doens't really cost me anything (except the gas it took to drive to the city this morning!)


Anyhow, I was complaining about the fridge this morning, and husband says "That's what you can do with your first paycheck. By a new fridge. You can use all your money for house stuff"

Which is exactly what I intend to do... NOW, there's a little trick about the paycheck... gotta find someone to hire me for what I can do for them. Still working on it!

Day 22

I have a meeting scheduled tomorrow with a recruiter. The job is interesting, but I am not a great fit. I am stretching at this point. I also spoke with another recruiter about a job in Golden. It's also a stretch, possibly, but he didn't have a great write up of the job. Interesting industry, but what would I really be doing? And is driving to Golden daily even worth my while?

I am following up on these things, but we'll just have to see.

And none of these people know where I live or how to pronounce my town. Both of the claimed to be from Michigan. One of them knew were Berkley is. The other forgot what city Wayne State is in. Sigh.

I am beginning to wonder if the gas to drive to Denver is worth it for a potential dead end...
Besides, I have my brain focused on Saturday's farmer's market, which I will be attending solo (well, maybe with a dog companion) because husband is gone for the weekend.

Day 21

Still jobless. No phone calls. Still applying. It can take months.

But we will be starting the farmer's market on Saturday, so COME ON LETTUCE! GROW!

still waiting for unemployment money to show up in the account, but I am sure they are going to wait on that one as long as they can. Sigh.

Nothing interesting to say today.

Day 20

Hmm... I think I miscounted my days. It's now been 3 weeks since I was let go.

The long weekend was nice, but I had just gotten used to this being home crap, and now it feels weird again.

I did get a call from a recruiter today, I will call him back. The job is in Denver. That's a long drive, and I was hoping to shorten my commute, but at this point, again, beggars can't be choosers?

Regardless, tomorrow I am going to get spiffied up, print out a shiny new resume, and head up to AVA Solar and see if I can talk so someone directly. What do I have to lose?

Day 19

After the long weekend, I still just wish I could get up on a Monday and go to work.

I've got my list of projects to get done this week, but the heat isn't helping. I'll get it all done some day.

I have looked for new job postings this morning. Not too many. I figure with the holiday weekend behind us, people may start posting more opportunities. If I don't find anything in the short run, there is always the fall upswing, when the college interns go back to school and companies realize they'd rather just hire someone full time! So it could be September before there are any big bites.

Day 17

Saturday, it's raining a bit today. We have some good news for the farm, and we are going to start going to a (for now) fee-free farmer's market. That'll help us sell our fruits and veggies and chickens.

Still looking for a job. We had another dog surgery to deal with last night, and I want to make sure we can pay for it, as well as put money aside for the future, inevitable vet issues we are likely to have on the farm - from doggie injuries, to problematic sheep pregnancies - whatever it takes. I won't let an animal die on my watch unless it truly is their time. Last night's issue was no fault of anyone's, it's a common large breed dog issue - and it wasn't his time. But Murphy's law does dictate that if an animal of ours is going to have serious issues, it's going to be after the regular vet is closed, and we have to pay the extra special emergency vet fees. He's going to be fine, by the way, and we should be bringing him home tonight or tomorrow morning.

Aside from that, holiday weekends mean it's project time on the farm. It's hotter than blazes out here, and hopefully I'll see some more job posting activities on indeed.com net week!

Day 16

Happy 4th of July.

I'm taking the day off of job hunting (I applied to several jobs yesterday)

Today I went and delivered Meals on Wheels with my neighbor, and met some very nice people. Other than that, it's too hot to think.

Have a great day, everyone.

Day 15

Ups and downs.

I've been on an upswing. I guess the downswing came yesterday when I started paying bills. It's hard. It's hard to look at the numbers right now.

And then I got a call from the company that gave me a phone interview. I am out of the loop. Back to square one. So I applied t 4 more jobs today, one being in Cheyenne. That's right, Wyoming.

Then I went to the local farmer's market to ask about setting up a table. No one was there from the city for me to talk to - but there definitly was space for more tables. I see no reason for them to tell me no, aside from the fact that I have nothing to sell, really, right now. In a few weeks, I'll have lettuce, and after that we'll have more chicken. So we'll see.

We gotta make some money on the farm, or I have to get a job.

day 14

On becoming a wino:

No, I'm not becoming a raging alcoholic because I am home alone and distraught over my lack of workiness. Besides, in these tight times, we have cut all non-essentials out of our budget. That includes alcohol. Much to husband's dismay, we won't be buying any Guinness or Imperial Stout until I have a job again.

What that means though, is that over the weekend, (because I get so much of the crap work done during the week) we actually had time to chill and grill out saturday night. We always have chicken to eat since we raise them ourselves. So we did some grilling, and Larry brought up a bottle of wine. We aren't wine drinkers, but you know how when you invite folks over for a party or dinner, often they bring a bottle? They are all hiding out in our cellar, happy as can be. We break them out when we have company over...

But I guess sometimes you just want a drink. There's no beer in the fridge, but there's those wine bottles down stairs. Done. I guess those will have to do until we can afford beer money again. I sense we will finally eat all the weird things lurking in our cupboards, too... it's kind of nice to tighten our belts, since it is forcing us to put nothing to waste.

Day 13

Skipped a day, sorry.

Got a lot done around the house yesterday, and was feeling hopeful. Husband and I have a plan for the future, towards working to me being home full time. But not until I go back to work and earn some money towards some home remodeling.

Today, feeling less hopeful as I haven't received any call backs for second interviews, or even first interviews. There is a hot job in Cheyenne that I am pretty sure I could get if I was willing to commute to Wyoming every day. But in the days of gas prices going higher and never coming back down - why would I want to drive MORE?

I'll continue to get things done around the house. It leaves me more time to spend with the animals, particularly my oldest dog. But I do want to go back to work. If only so I can "retire" on my own terms!

Day 11

I am trying to make the best use of my "summer vacation"

I have a company that seems interested and I may hear back from them next week. In the meantime, I like the idea of staying home and tending to my garden, maybe even starting the Berthoud Farmer's market this week or next week. It would be good to get some local customers to sell our chicken to.

So we'll see where it goes from here. I like staying home. I like getting things done. I don't know if I will like totally scrimping to get by. I know I WILL like not having to maintain a business casual wardrobe. But I do like to fix up my house and make improvements. Those solar water panels are just hanging out in the yard right now....

I'm really just rambling, so we'll see were life takes us. But I did send in my first payment request from unemployment. We'll see what I get... if anything at all.

Day 10 - The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

Really? 10 days of summer vacation! Kick ass! This is so cool. But really only cool because I am feeling positively certain that my summer vacation will be short lived. And once it's over, no way am I waiting for anything anymore. If I want hard wood floors, Imma gonna getem.

The Good

I am getting stuff done, no matter what the husband thinks. I've mowed yards I would never otherwise have mowed. I will have the bathroom paint done today or tomorrow. I get to hang out with dogs and chickens and sheep. And I had a good interview. At least it's making me feel positive. I've lost a few pounds, and have gotten to take my bike for a spin. I may even take my sewing machine down to the store and ask them to please show me how to work the darn thing!

The Bad

No air conditioning in this house, and every day brings me one day closer to July - when it just gets stifling. No relief for my allergies, and mowing the lawn doesn't help that at all. I've gotten to break up dog fights, that make me wonder how often Grish and Hobbes have little discussions when we are not at home to break them up. I'm not as motivated as I could be, but I am trying. It can be boring to be home, with 5 dogs staring at you wondering what you are going to do for them now.

The Ugly

This awful desire for a job I really want, and am helpless to do much more about getting. The watching of rain clouds that thunder and grumble and keep moving north of us, dropping just teasing drops on the ground that so desperately needs a storm. The constant worrying about money, and what might happen if this temporary lasts more than just the summer... But most of all, it's the allergies that are ugly. No relief from the pollen, the cat. OH and speaking of our useless cat. I have now caught 3 mice in the house. I can hear them in the walls. I see them in the basement. And the cat does nothing. I was really hoping we would never need another indoor cat. But if Schroed can't fix this mouse problem, and the mousetraps don't fix this mouse problem... damn it all, we may still need a house cat. DO YOUR JOB KITTY!!!

Day 9

I had a great phone interview today. It has me thinking positive thoughts, and realizing maybe I should take better advantage of my time off. But then again, I am working my tail off... I am enjoying spending so much time with the dogs, even if they are just all around me napping at the moment. :)

Regardless, my time off has not been fruitless. I did finally mow the jungle of the back yard, I am finishing the venetian plaster in the bathroom. My husband doesn't even notice that all his laundry is done and put away for him. Today I have to hit some dishes, wash some eggs, and mow around the orchard before those weeds take over our trees. There are plenty of little things to do. I don't mind doing them.

And sometimes I feel OK with the idea of staying home indefinitely... Except for that side of me that is a saver and a spender. There's a side of me that likes putting money aside for future use - emergencies, projects, whatever. Then there is a side of me that likes being able to do nice things - like fix up my house or whatever. Though staying home could be fun, and very beneficial - for all the work I can get done on the farm. I think money might still be more worthwhile right now than just my extra time on the farm. Ah well, we shall see.

Day 8

Feeling kind of bummed again today. I keep waking up in the morning in a panic - because the sun is already out and I must be late to work. So my body still hasn't adjusted. I should be taking advantage, if I play my cards right, this could all be VERY VERY temporary.

Or maybe I am just procrastinating because I need to mow the lawn, and I hate mowing the lawn.

I do have a phone interview, that got postponed until tomorrow. So that's fine.

But I can't get over this one company I would really like to work for... a new solar panel company starting up in Longmont - from a project joint with CSU. It's where I want to be. How can I convince them? They have my resume, more than once. So now I sit and wait, and hope for a phone call.

Day 7 - one week later

One week later and some of the shock is starting to wear off. I am still lacking in motivation, while I stare at a ton of housework, I better get some of it done.

I had a phone screen last night with a company, who shall remain nameless for now. Phone screens are usually pretty inocuous and rarely unique. Tell me about this, tell me about that, tell me about a time. Fabulous.

I got a call back today that they want to do a follow up phone interview with me tomorrow. Sweet, I got past the first date, and they want to take me out again. This is better than dating.

This is probably what has lifted my mood the most. The idea that someone might be interested. That this dark tunnel may very well be a short one. Let's see what happens!

Now I better go finish painting the bathroom/doing laundry/cleaning the kitchen/scrubbing the rugs...

Day 6

I've been applying to jobs - stretching the bounds for myself. Can I try technical writing? I've been published many times, but in a very niche technology. But I've written. Can I give that a try? I am looking for something that I can get started with, and I'm not talking about Associated Content, though a few extra bucks here and there isn't a bad idea.

I got some stuff done on the house this morning, still working on painting a bathroom, weeding the garden, feeding chickens. It wasn't so bad that I was home today - Lucy got her head stuck in the chicken fence, so I got to save her from that. She might have struggled all day, or annihilated the fence. I'm still catching mice in the house, and in the barn. I can collect eggs in the morning before the egg-eater gets to them. It's really not all bad.

But when husband leaves in the morning, it still just doesn't feel right. And his daily to-do list kills me as well. I know how to stay busy here, and truthfully, I need to spend lots of my time applying to jobs. I went through Indeed.com, monster, careerbuilder, SME.org and SWE.org, as well as opportunityknocks.org. Now it's time to hit each company one by one and see what is out there.

I have my dreams set on AVA Solar. IN the meantime, I have a phone interview tonight with Covidien. I will take what I can get. Again, a humbling experience. Let's get the bills paid.

Day 5 - Sunday

APplying and Applying and Applying for jobs. It's pretty dry out there, unless I am willing to take a big step down... so we'll see.

Husband and I are going to look at our budget today and see if we can pull this off... And for how long.

I can only wonder - what would this feel like if it was OUR choice? What if I had decided to stay home - to start a family, to work the farm? Would this be fun? It isn't right now, but I am still going through the emotional part of it... the rejection, the embarassment, things like that. But what if I wanted to set my engineering skills aside to work the farm... to focus on accounting, tracking, planning, weeding, feeding, training dogs...??

Day 4 - it's a saturday

OK, so it feels like a normal day. I'm supposed to be home. I'm supposed to be working in the yard and doing laundry and cleaning.

But I still can't get away from the cloud that I shouldn't spend a dime on a damn thing. I can't get past the urgency that I have to get a job NOW. And does that mean taking the first offer that comes along? What if it sucks? Do I take any job for the money, now? When before I was looking for fulfillment.

I guess this truly is a lesson in humility. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to pay the bills.

Day 3

Well, the search is definitely on for a new job. Unfortunately, I am not being choosy this time. I have passed up applying in the past when the company was one that I didn't agree with their business practices, for one reason or another. Now I will apply every where. It doesn't matter.

We had to take the car in for some work today. Better now than after it blows up and it has tragic consequences. But this means I need a job. Not being able to pay the mortgage is a scary though. I need to work.

The paperwork came in the mail today. Very inefficient! I got 4 different letters from the Colorado Department of Labor and Employment. Get your act together guys, put it all in one envelope! So I get to send back something with my signature on it. And by the end of the month, I get a little debit card where they put my payments, and then I can spend it where I might. Interesting.

I also need to call my bank and see what the fees are I will have now that I won't have direct deposit into my banking accounts. I know that was part of my package at the bank. Maybe they can waive that for a month or so.

Well, there are a million things to do, including Larry's daily to-do list he gives me in the morning. But I really need a job.

Day 2

I actually slept last night. I didn't sleep a wink the night before. So that felt good.

And you know how sometimes you have so much going on at work, or at home, that it pops up in your sleep. A solution to a problem, what you want to get done at work the next day.... that happened to me. I woke up with a jolt, and started making a mental list of the things I was going to do at the office. But I don't have an office. So a good night's sleep felt great, but it just shows how programmed we are to maintain a schedule. Well, maybe that's just me. I'm still highly disappointed.

But I am off to the unemployment office today. We'll see how that goes, and hopefully it will go well. I don't know what to do except that I have to be looking for work. You got it. I'm going to do some farm chores today - and I'm going to start submitting my resume - fully cleaned up and ready to go!

Day One

I realized that today is the first day of m adult life that I have not been employed. Sure there are weekends, and such. And maybe I shouldn't be such a drama queen... There are many others in my shoes, and until I am late with a mortgage payment, do I really have anything to worry about?

But I will admit that when Larry walked out this morning it was a surreal feeling. He was going to work. And I was not. For the first time ever.

I really should be getting things done, but I found a mouse in the house and am having better luck getting Hobbes to chase it, than the cat. I also found baby chicks outside the barn, and had to round them back up and seal them up inside the barn. I have plenty of chores to do, and just finished a 45 minute bike ride.

But it's hard to be motivated. It's only day one, and I have yet to deal with any of my emotions. but I am trying really hard to take this one day off... and not apply for any jobs (yet). I have furiously put a budget together and have already filed for unemployment. If anyone knows me, they know I get to it on some things without the patience to wait. But that list of chores that I have all of eternity to complete... I guess I'm just going to have to take my time.

Ah well.... I'm still not sure what I am supposed to feel right now. Trying to put that job behind me and not be angry, and not second guess a million things... And I'm trying not to think about what I want to replace it, because do I really know? So I guess I need to go back to baby steps... think about making some lunch, taking a shower, and tackling some gardening projects while I have the time... hop to it KB... if you can't earn a living, you might as well earn your keep.

but I'm really scared....

Leisure Wife

I heard this term years ago from my friend Amy. Her friend's husband got a job in Japan, but the company didn't have a role for her. They decided to take the assignment, even though she wouldn't be working - for the experience, etc. She coined the term "leisure wife". They didn't have any kids, so she wasn't a stay-at-home-mom.

So I guess, if I try to look at the bright side, I get to be a leisure wife, too.

This isn't an announcement I am prepared to make. I don't even want to say it, because somehow it makes it real. Like the (first) time I got bit by a dog. Saying it out loud made me cry - that man's best friend could do me harm. It was a hard lesson to learn. So I guess I need to say it.

I got laid off.

The job I've been bragging about at the company I thought was so great - well, they laid of 20% of their work force today. At a moment's notice. I think we knew there were some tough times ahead, but when I looked at the room of people who were being let go with me, I was truly shocked. It was worse than any of us imagined.

So like they say - it's a recession when your friend loses their job. It's a depression when you lose yours. I can't say we're destitute, but I wasn't planning for this. Believe me, Larry and I had other plans. So I guess now I get to take the mental list of all the little things that need to be done, and start tackling them. Along with my favorite friend - indeed.com. Maybe some good will come of this. I can start biking daily and maybe I'll lose those extra pounds. Along with tending to the farm - I can start working on the little projects that I never get around to, like staining the deck, weeding the garden, mowing the lawn, and maybe even learning how to sew. I'll consider picking up some part time work in town, along with my unemployment check. Hmm... I'm trying to see the silver lining, but right now, my ego is a little bruised. It's hard to think I was in the bottom of the pile - the least valuable employee, the easiest to let go. Maybe it had to do with seniority, it possibly had to do with pay level. But there's no crying over spilt milk, right? Time to find another cow...

I'm sorry to friends and family that I didn't tell you all directly. That I didn't at least send a tacky mass email. It's just too hard to talk about, and I really only want to say it once. And I wish I didn't have to say it at all.